Achieve to Conceive?

We're actively trying to get pregnant.

And since I may know you in real life, unlike the first time I started chronicling our experience, please keep it to yourself if you see me and want to know "How's the baby quest going?"

It's a lot of waiting.

Not that this is anything new.

I'm in the midst of month one of fucking for fertility's sake.

I dragged out this ovulation prediction software I bought the last time and got it set up on the upstairs computer. So every morning now, I take my temperature and chart it to figure out when I might be most fertile. Or about to ovulate.

The Mister has been sick for more than a week now. The first bout of achiness and sneezing and feeling like crap coincided with--whaddaya know!--with the month's prime time for getting down.

"Tonight's the night," I explained.

"I just can't," he said. "I'm sick!"

Sick, schmick! Do you know how much fine-tuning--of blood sugars, of thyroid levels, of menstrual cycles--it took to get me to this night?

But the guy really looked like doom.

I fumed about this for a bit before I realized that sex the next morning would still count as a BEST TIME! according to my fertility software. So he got the night off.

The next morning, he was up to the task. Still sick. But not incapacitated.

So now I'm about a week away from when my software predicts I'll get my next period. Or I'll feel like peeing on a stick not to check for ketones, but for a possible embryo.

My blood sugars have been all right. I'm trying to test at least an hour after eating, and I've tried to exercise or take a titch of insulin if they're above where they should be. But I definitely don't obsess if my waking blood sugar is, say, 112 instead of 70-90 mg/dl.

I'm slated to see my Kind Endo for a regular checkup this Friday. Around the same time when my period is due.

It would be mind boggling beyond belief if I were to actually get pregnant the first month of trying for Baby #2.

But for the next week or so, I'm willing to be boggled. I'm willing to join the bloggers I read who naturally conceived after doing IVF.

Stay tuned.

Is It Really That Easy for Some People?

Living in the 'burbs, I often shop at our local warehouse superstore.

When I'm deep into the value-size aisles of juice boxes and paper towels, I don't really check out other shoppers. I'm usually trying to dissuade Baby L from throwing items out of the cart.

Which is why I was surprised to hear someone call my name as I maneuvered my way to the giant stack of baby wipes last Friday afternoon.

"Hi! How are you?"

It was a woman I trained with last summer for the two triathlons. Both she and I openly admitted we didn't know if we'd be training with the team this summer, because we wanted to get pregnant.

Or as I put it, "I hope to either be pregnant, trying to get pregnant, or recovering from being pregnant" in the summer of '09.

But this woman, true to her word, was *actually* pregnant. She's due in May.

"That didn't take long," I goggled while eyeing her basketball belly.

"I was two weeks pregnant at the last tri we did," back in September.

It took one attempt..

She actually said she will skip the event we did in July last year, but will try to train for the September event after this kid is born in May.

And she already has a two-year-old.

I couldn't believe it.

I only just got the go-ahead to start trying last month. Four months after finishing that last race. And with my track record, it's gonna be a long road ahead.

And here she is already halfway through.

My mind just boggles over this.

Like Yesterday, With An Addition

We met with my Kind Endo yesterday to talk about trying for baby number two.

It was so familiar, and yet different. The schlep to the Big City Hospital. The traffic jams. The calls that we'd be late. Parking. The look of the lobby. The waiting room.

And yet this time, we had Baby L in tow, pushing our crazy-big stroller and carrying crackers and pretzels and sippy cups and playthings to keep him entertained.

I've spent So.Much.Time visiting this particular doctor, in this particular part of the hospital. 

But this time, I had something other than banter to share with the office administrator and the receptionist and the phlebotomist who takes my blood expertly: my son. (Though Mr. L was there for the visit, too).

The visit itself was pretty uneventful. I am a pound under the weight I was after I got pregnant with Baby L. I offered to pee in a cup before sitting down. Kind Endo asked me a lot of usual questions about my health that I was thankful I could say no to. (Night sweats? Painful urination? Any chest pain? Coughs? Swelling? Negative.) A different twist with this visit: Baby L made himself known, pulling clean johnnies out of a drawer and practicing his walking by inching his way around the examining room, knocking patient paperwork to the floor, clutching someone's lab results in his tiny hands, and giggling. 

"Baby L doesn't know the intricacies of HIPPA yet," Mr. L explained and I wrenched the paperwork out of the boy's hands. Luckily, Kind Endo took it in stride.

As she paged through my meter, she noted that my bloods were erratic, but as I pointed out, I haven't been trying to get pregnant this week. I promised to fax over a week's worth of logging with blood sugars, carbs counted, basals noted, boluses written. Kind Endo said that once I start writing things down, my numbers usually come into line nicely. I'll find out my A1c later this week but it's usually pretty good--if it were based on just A1c numbers, I could likely start trying ASAP.

And oy, the trying.

We'll likely give it three months for the au naturel route, then ramp right back up to either IVF or a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) if any of Baby L's siblings are still around after being stored for two years. 

When I think of all the time spent previously--a year of going to the diabetes clinic to keep my numbers in check while Mr. L dealt with his own health issues, six months of sex without results (other than exhaustion), and another six months of the alphabet soup that encompasses infertility (HSG, ART, IUI, IVF, ad nauseum), I honestly hope that experience will cut out some of the waiting. I realize how lucky I am to even have such a fabulous son after all this work, but I hope some of life's past experiences might make this attempt an easier and quicker, but equally healthy one.

Particularly if I have to juggle pretzels and playthings for another certain someone at the same time.

What Comes Next?

My tri high has calmed down a bit. 

So what did I do? I just signed up to do another sprint triathlon in early September. The coach who trained the team I joined for the first tri is doing another six week training session. 

After that, though, I think I may have to call it a season, even though there are events that last into the fall.

Why?

It's probably time to think about trying for kid number two.

I adore Baby L. He's chill, happy most of the time, healthy, and a total delight. 

I fear jinxing things by trying to have a second child. 

When I was single, and then when I was in the height of infertility treatment, I wondered if going through life child-free would be all that bad. I enjoyed my life the way it was. But I also knew I'd always wanted to try to have my own kid. 

And with Baby L, I'm so thankful and blessed that my own kid became a reality.

Growing up as one of two kids, I always figured I'd have two of my own. The Mister is also one of two. Two kids would be great, we think.

Given the mix of my current age, that age plus nine or so months, the fact that we stored frozen embryos nearly two years ago, and were lucky enough to get pregnant on the first IVF try using one transferred embryo only, makes me think that it doesn't make sense to hold off on the babytrying for that much longer.

I'd emailed my Kind Endo about something this week and she told me if we want to start the whole trying process (in more ways than one) again in the fall, it makes sense to do a preconception visit in August. 

Like, whoa, this month.

Getting pregnant was a fuckload of work for me. Being pregnant was the same. Focusing on exercising and heart rates and scheduling child care so I can go run, bike or swim has been a lot more enjoyable. 

But if there's a chance that I can have another fabulous kid, one that is as good natured and smiley and healthy as my boy Baby L, I'm getting close to the point where I need to get back on the bandwagon again. To go through what I need to go through to get what I (and Mr. L.) desire.

Just after I train for and complete my next sprint triathlon in September.

Time Management

Ever feel like there's never enough time to get everything done in a day you want to get done? This week has been one of those.

And yet, even when I want to focus on more exciting things like interesting freelance projects or reading certain books or doing certain things like organizing my house (I'm a huge fan of decluttering) or even writing a new blog entry, there's always something else more pressing happening, like work deadlines or diabetes details.

Diabetes takes up a lot of time. Testing ten times a day. Adjusting the insulin. Figuring out the carb counts. Scheduling and going on doctor's visits. Managing high or low blood sugars. Changing out the pump and infusion set. And this is pre-pregnancy.

I wonder if I'll ever have any time to myself ever again once I'm pregnant and have a child to take care of. This is one of the reasons I've never felt the urge to have a child earlier than now--I was always more interested in doing my own thing than sacrificing my time for my child. And yet, I know that once a person becomes a parent, in my opinion, that person really has to sacrifice a lot of their own priorities and interests for the sake of raising the child with love and affection and good parenting skills.

I've never heard of anyone saying they really regretting having children once the children were born, but that having your own children is worth the hassle and expense and aggravation and details. I don't quite understand this yet, but I figure I will when I actually have a child or children of my own. I used to feel the same way about being married: how did you know that person was the right one for you, and how did it feel to give up the independence (that I, for one, loved) as a single person. For the most part, after being married for about a year now to a man I dated for a few years, I can say that while I see the benefits of being single and married, being married to Mr. Lyrehca makes sense and works for me. I hope I have the same revelation about being a parent as well someday.

I just hope I'll still have time to freelance and work and write and read as a parent. And oh yeah, maintain good diabetes control.

The decluttering may have to wait, though.

Natural, Schmatural

At a New Year's party last night, I talked with a woman who is pregnant with her second child, due sometime in the spring, and is one of those people who is hiring a midwife. She proudly didn't use any drugs the first time around, and actually said she didn't want more ultrasounds than necessary (she had five the first time) because, as her husband said, "they raise the temperature of the womb."

I pointed out that a high risk pregnancy gets a lot of ultrasounds, and the woman was quick to note that yes, a high risk pregnancy justifies the extra numbers of ultrasounds. What I didn't say was that, as a T1, I always thought that having all the extra tests and ultrasounds with a diabetic pregnancy was a good thing. Sure, there's more likelihood of having something go wrong, but at least the doctors are keeping a close eye on you along the way. And if you're doing all you can to maintain those freakishly normal blood sugars, as many D pregnant women have said they have been able to do, your chances of having a healthy kid are the same as a non-diabetic woman. So all that extra monitoring sounds reassuring to me.

Frankly, I've never heard of the theory that "extra ultrasounds" equal "heating the womb" and the subsequent conclusion of "overheating your fetus." I'll have to run this by a doc on my next visit, but the whole idea made me realize, again, how diabetes has colored my opinions about medical care.

As I've stated before, I've been T1 for 28 years, since age 7. To me, diabetes was always a condition that responded well to medical intervention. Without insulin and blood tests and (showing my old school roots here) urine tests, I'd have been dead years ago, and if I'd only had insulin and no blood or urine tests for 28 years, I'd likely have more horrendous complications today (if I were even still alive) than the relatively well-managed (and in my opinion, minor) complications I do have today.

Unlike many of my non-D peers, I don't fear going to the doctor and I certainly don't avoid it because "I feel fine so nothing's wrong." To me, going to the endo, or to the eye doc, or even the dentist (where unbelievably, my dentist gushes over how perfect my teeth are. My gums and plaque; well, they're another story. But at least my teeth haven't been affected by diabetes!), is another way to closely monitor the sweetness within. Are the A1c and fructosamine tests within range? Are my eye vessels staying out of the retinopathy designation? Is my cholesterol still in check? The kidneys still filtering the way they should?

When the answers are yes, or close to yes, I'm relieved. When there's something amiss, the doc visits are frequent enough that something can be attended to quickly, before a lot of damage or problems have set in.

So when I hear about women like this one last night who was proud of not using drugs while giving birth, or who wants to avoid extra ultrasounds, or about another D-blogger who thinks birth is overmedicalized, I don't get it. To be fair, the other D-blogger is a recently diagnosed T1, so I'm thinking she and I have different histories and experiences with medicine and doctors. But to me, the extra monitoring makes sense. It is expensive and results in a blizzard of insurance paperwork, I'll admit, but I'm fortunate to have the financial means, the intellect and patience to pay for, understand, and wade through the process to get the care (and coverage) I know is beneficial and gives me peace of mind.

And as one last note--the pregnant woman's two-year-old, strictly breast-feed, natural-birthed son was playing last night with my nearly-two-year-old nephew, who was fed with formula and delivered by c-section. Maybe it was the excitement of being up late on New Year's Eve, or maybe it's different parenting styles or just innate personalities. But I couldn't help but notice that the earth son was more of a wuss than my nephew, didn't have as big a vocabulary, and didn't fight for himself when when my younger nephew wouldn't share his toys, even though the earth son was a head taller than my nephew.

"At day care, bigger kids pick on our son to get toys from him," earth son's father said. I'm no parent (yet), and I'm all in favor of raising sensitive boys into terrific men who aren't jerks, but I certainly want my kid to be able to stand up for himself and be confident about it. If an epidural or anesthetized c-section is somehow part of that process, I'm not going to avoid it. After all, who undergoes any other kind of surgery without anesthesia or painkillers?

Bring on the drugs. And fast.

The Backstory

I've been a T1 diabetic nearly my whole life--28 years out of 35. I'm down with the diabetic scene. Been on a pump for five years, been shooting insulin for two decades before. I prick my fingers every day, many times. I count carbs. I exercise. I know how to do it.

Except I'm trying to have a kid and it's pretty unfamiliar terrain.

I'm amazed by how many diabetic blogs are out there and figure today's my day to join the crowd. I haven't seen anyone else write about being a type 1 diabetic pregnant woman on a daily blog. (If you're out there, let me know!) I've been reading a few diabetic pregnancy newsgroups for awhile now, and they're great. But everyone's in a different stage of being pregnant, and since I'm not even there yet, it's hard to know what will help me when I'm farther down that road.

I also have a terrific posse of T1 diabetic pals. They're all savvy chicks like me, longtime T1s. Between three of them, they have four kids. So I've talked their ears off. Heard them tell me it's possible to have a healthy child even with longterm diabetes. Heard them say it's possible to keep the A1Cs well within healthy ranges. Heard them say they can eat well and maintain the blood sugars and keep the kid healthy inside. I hope I can do it, too.

I've never been one of those "I've been dreaming of being a mom all my life/I can't wait to experience birth/I want a natural experience" people. To be honest, having a kid really scares me. I know how much can go wrong. But at the same time, I think if I chose not to ever try to have children, I'd feel I missed out on something huge. So it's time. For me, it's a question of where I am in life, how old I am, and finally finding the right partner to do it all with.

So here I go. It's going to be a long, wild, and crazy ride.