Writing, Workouts, and A Winning Idea

I passed in my final book chapter to my editor yesterday.

I still have revisions to do on all the chapters, but they're minor, and shouldn't take too long.

But as a way to celebrate, I decided to take an hour or so and go running at a track near my house. Plus, it is gorgeous here today.

What does this tell you? To celebrate that I've finished writing a chapter, something that kept my ass glued to a chair and my eyes locked on a computer screen for weeks, at late hours and early hours, I want to exercise? I think the truth is that I love to be really engaged in my computer and writing and researching online... but that I also like exercising when I can get the chance to really go hard. For me, running is going hard.

Oh, and also? My ass is pretty big these days from all that chair glue.

I specifically planned to run after lunch so that the meal would help me from going low, a nod to the diabetes. I ate my usual lunch--a mashed avocado with pepper, salt and lemon juice spread onto a whole wheat wrap--and topped it off with a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich--and took half of the insulin I'd normally take.

I also wanted to go to this track, rather than around a route in my neighborhood, so I could leave my meter/cell phone/keys/water bottle/dorky fanny pack at the edge of the track, rather than schlep it all with me. Again: the diabetes influence.

So the exercise was great. I haven't had a decent workout for a while now, mostly because when I thought about it, I'd think about the mountain of book stuff that hadn't gotten done yet. Even now, I'm blogging and I think I should be going over chapter 8 revisions. Or chapter 2. (But not chapter 7--that one's complete!)

I ran (=jogged very very slowly and initially felt calf pains, but I KEPT GOING and they actually went away) for four laps. A whole mile. For me, this was just what I wanted to do and I even felt like I could have kept going. Even though I haven't run in ages.

But my trusty CGM, which started out around 165 at the beginning of this workout (and about an hour post lunch), trended down. 137. 116. Double arrows pointing down at 110.

Oy.

I tested after lap four and my blood sugar was around 91. I drank a juice box I brought specifically for this occasion and started walking around the track. Four laps later, my CGM dipped down to 59, but was on an upward swing of 116 when I left the track.

Now at home, it's hit 200. I correction bolused, and here I am, holding steady five minutes later and waiting for the bolus to kick in (should I go exercise again?)

I've seen people say how they will eat whatever they want if there's ever a cure for type 1 diabetes. Lists of high carb foods that they'll devour without a second thought.

For me, a type 1 cure would really let me work out hard and not have to drink whatever calories I just burned off to keep my blood sugar stable. I might actually lose weight from exercise this way.

I saw my Kind Endocrinologist a few weeks ago and pointed out that since I started trying to have a baby back in 2006, I've put on about 30 pounds. (This includes some pregnancy weight gain, but not all of it. It also includes weight I've lost, and then put on again while trying to keep my blood sugars tight for a potential second pregnancy.) She told me that drinking a cup of juice a day will help you put on ten pounds a year, and that is clearly what's happened here.

I'm not sure what else to do. Does juice have more calories than glucose tabs? Life Savers? I think someone would make a killing if they could make some kind of glucose raiser that doesn't have calories.

And even though I jogged/walked for two miles earlier today, it feels like wasted effort. Because I had to eat something and ingest unwanted calories, and my CGM is buzzing and telling me that I'm stuck at 200.

Should I Bring Luggage Next Time?

I went out for a jog/walk today, the first since last fall.

It went well--my triathlon training has stayed with me and I still have a shred of endurance. I was concerned I wouldn't be able to jog much, but I sustained it about half the time.

Now, after coming inside, I feel healthy and sweaty.

However, I'm like a one-man band with all the stuff I clip to myself:

I have an insulin pump on my waistband.

I just got headphones for my iPod that stay on while running.

I wore sunglasses.

How do people run with their meters, glucose, keys and whatever? I have this eons-old fanny pack that's dorky and makes me look like I have an ass tumor, but I can carry everything along if I need it.

Plus, I am doing a trial of a Dexcom Continuous Glucose Monitor for a week. More about this later, but I wanted to clip that to my waistband so I could watch my sugars during the exercise. My sugars were fine, but it was another weird lump under my running shirt.

Is there such a thing as a streamlined amateur athlete with diabetes?

Lows: Why Don't They All Feel This Way?

Ran/walked 2.5 miles tonight. 

Started out with a blood sugar around 221. I thought I'd jog and see what would happen.

Attached my dorky-but-effective fanny pack around my waist. I carry a juice box, my meter, my cell phone, money, my license and my insurance card, along with my keys.

Started jogging, took a few minutes to warm up. Ran straight for about one and a quarter miles, then stopped briefly at my turn-around point, stretched for a minute, then continued running.

Stopped to walk after about two miles.

Felt fine walking--a bit out of breath and tired, but otherwise ok.

Started jogging again and let my mind wander about work stuff for a bit. Felt nice to concentrate on something other than assorted aches and pains.

By the time I approached my neighborhood and house, I felt great--arms pumping, legs striding, feeling no leg or hip pain. Going faster than I've gone before. 

Maybe this is what they mean about the adrenalin of a runner's high?

Stretched a bit in my driveway, felt good.

Came inside, said hi to Mr. L and Baby L.

Tested my sugar at 39.

Huh?

Tested again: 36.

Felt really fine, like I could run even more.

Instead drank two juice boxes and marveled at how good going low felt. 

I was up to 124 in a few minutes.

I've also had odd dreams when going low, and once thought up a brilliant idea for a short story all while being low.

So are your insulin reactions ever as pleasant as mine was tonight?

Who Is This Jock And Where Did She Come From?

I ran/walked in a local 5K road race yesterday and actually did better than a fifth of the people competing. 

Running is getting somewhat easier for me.

I still walked a good portion of the race, but was able to jog for more than a mile and a quarter, walk and run on the second and third miles, and jogged at the end and even sprinted across the finish line.

Someone at the end yelled out "Rip it, 598!" and I actually ran past someone up ahead of me. (598 was my bib number).

My blood sugars, unlike when I've done triathlons, were great. Ate an oatmeal, fruit, milk and almond breakfast early and bolused normally. Was 100 when I left the house an hour before the race. Was 123 just before the race--I ate a granola bar, bolused for half, and reduced my basal rate by half. And after the race, I was 74 and felt good--drank a juice box and was on my way.

I need to buy new running shoes this week--mine are old.

Later this week, things take on a whole new meaning--we're heading back to my Kind Endo for my first pre-pregnancy checkup for kid number two. 

Sort of like gearing up for another huge race all over again. 

Facing That Coaster Again?

My son is 14 months old. He sleeps (usually) through the night. He grasps a sippy cup with ease. He eats the same breakfast I do: a flaxseed waffle and a veggie sausage. The only difference is our beverage of milk. Mine is skim and his is whole.

This week, I was asked, not for the first time, if and when I would start trying for another child. My endocrinologist asked me back when Baby L was about six months old. My mother ran into my ob-gyn nurse at the manicurist around the same time. The nurse seemed surprised she hadn't seen me back in her office, either getting my blood sugars approved before jumping back on the trying to conceive merry-go-round or being congratulated for already hopping on and clinging to one of the painted horses.

I know of at least one or two people who are pregnant again after they had their first children around the same time as me. And a woman I met in a Mommy & Me class last year, whose son was born the same week as mine, openly admitted to wanting to get pregnant as soon as possible, as she wants two children and was close to 40. She did IVF with her first child, and, not wanting to waste time, did her first round of her second IVF when her son was eight months old and is expecting her second child in September. If all goes well, she will be 40 and will have two children under age two by the year's end.

As much as my age dictates it, I am just not ready right now to try to get pregnant again this season. There's that triathlon I'm training for. The money in our bank account that we'd rather have go toward savings instead of doctor visit copays and the possibility of paying for infertility treatment again. The idea that while I am eating healthy for the tri training, I can guzzle diet Coke and not worry about the effects of the chemicals on my unborn child. The blood sugar testing only six times, rather than 16 times, a day.

Plus, it's frankly a joy to sit and watch my toddler son feed himself. Or cruise along the furniture and try to walk. Or look up, with a toothly smile, and say things that sound like "Banana!" and "Yeah!" and "'Night!" To return to the days of nursing and round-the-clock pumping and little sleep and explosive diapers seems.... like a lot of mental and physical effort right now.

To start trying for another would mean diverting a lot of that time and effort to someone else. And right now, I just want to soak my Boy in with undivided attention. And if it means that waiting another six months might mean a potentially sharp decline in my already shaky fertility, it's a chance I'm willing to take.

So Many Numbers

Many years ago, I read a brilliant memoir of a type 1 diabetic called Needles, by Andie Dominick. Her opening line: "I know about needles."

These days, though, it's all about numbers. I know about numbers.

I test my blood sugar all the time. And with this triathlon training, I'm working with a heart rate monitor to train within a certain percentage of my heart rate. In short, once you know your maximum heart rate, training within certain numbers can help you build endurance, get faster, and keep you from overtraining and burning out before the event itself. They break the numbers into zones. So tonight, for example, I jogged for 30 minutes and kept my heart rate in zone three. For this workout, I was exactly where it was supposed to be.

It wasn't easy--I had to distract myself from the total unpleasantness of running: the calf and shin pain, the huffing, the puffing--by talking to two women I was running with. It was kind of like what I did during my HSG two years ago. I wonder if I can figure out how to talk underwater while swimming across a lake?

So I am juggling blood sugars, trying to reduce basals sometimes so I don't go low during a workout (which hasn't happened yet, in three weeks of training! Woo hoo!), but then bolusing to counteract going high after a workout. I've woken up with some major lows in the middle of the night, for several night in a row.

Changing my correction factor has helped. Oh look, another number to think about and tweak. And then there are the insulin ratios.

And yet, I just keep calculating everything. Using technology like a blood meter or a brand new heart rate monitor that's accurate. (I'd been using a subpar heart rate monitor until today and it made a HUGE difference in my workout.) Training for this triathlon may just push me into upgrading my insulin pump. Mine is four years out of warranty and still works fine. But it doesn't have the insulin on board feature. Figuring that out on my own has always been a point of pride for me. But with this new heart rate monitor tonight, I see the benefit of great technology.

For this English major, book-loving writer and alphabet enthusiast, it's sort of ironic that I deal with so many numbers. But for some odd reason, I seem to be pretty good at it. I don't really resent the constant calculations. They're just what I do. For a good chunk of the time, the numbers work out OK. Not perfectly--I'm diabetic, after all. But I'm able to live with those imperfections, and I think that's what living well with diabetes is.

Sometimes, I can do something thrilling in spite of the diabetes. Something like running for 30 minutes straight wihtout having to slow to a walk. And keeping my heart rate right where it should be.

(And my sugars were just fine, too.)

. . . And Now for Something Completely Different:The Triathlon

Lots going on here in the land of Lyrehca.

Probably the biggest thing I can report right now is that I'm training for a triathlon.

Believe me, this is not typical behavior.

My favorite activity is lying in bed, or in a hammock, in front of the air conditioner. Reading. And eating. And guzzling diet Coke.

So training for a triathlon is something out of my comfort zone.

But I thought, years ago, that doing a mini-triathlon would be something cool to say I've done. Maybe it would be a good way to take off the baby weight. At least training would make me commit to regular exercise.

A friend mentioned in March that the registration for this particular triathlon, which is comprised of all women athletes and is a reasonable half-mile swim, a 12-mile bike ride, and a 2.8-mile run (or walk), was coming up.

I scoured the event's website. I emailed the coach of a local team to figure out if I was crazy to think about doing this event.

"I'm fat, close to forty, pretty out of shape from having a baby a year ago, and oh yes, a type 1 diabetic. Can you handle someone like me?"

She insisted she could.

I met with my endocrinologist and an exercise physiologist who works with diabetics to get their opinions. They both gave me their blessing.

So now I'm swimming, biking, and running and walking on a regular basis. I think a lot about childcare so I can train and not worry about my son. The actual event is at the end of July.

And oy, I am thinking about blood sugars. And insulin doses. And insulin stacking. And reducing insulin. And how to treat the many more lows that I'm having. And what to eat before a workout. Or the highs after my workouts. Or the lows six hours after my workouts.

It's a bit like trying to get pregnant with type 1.

Join me for the ride, won't you?

It's February Already?

I used to be a great blogger--back when I was in the throes of infertility and pregnancy.

But things are afoot over in the land of Lyrecha. To wit:

1. Baby L is ten months old. Where'd the time go? He crawls backwards. He's starting to tolerate solid foods. He smiles like a sunrise. He is chatty in that baby jibberish way. ("Bah bah BAH," he explains. "Guh. Khuh.")

He is super awesome.

2. My book proposal for my book about type 1 and pregnancy, written from the perspective of actual type 1 women and not medical professionals, IS FINALLY DONE.

Did you ever make a list of goals that you wanted to do in your lifetime and actually feel the exhilaration of checking one off?

That's how I felt last week when I read the thing for the last time and hit SEND.

It's literally out of my hands now. I'll keep you posted should something big transpire. In the meantime, if you want to be interviewed about type 1 and pregnancy, if the book actually becomes a reality, shoot me an email (Lyrehca AT gmail DOT com) and I'll keep your info on file.

3. After doing postpartum Weight Watchers since June, today I learned that I have officially lost ten pounds. While taking this long to lose weight is not ideal, I frankly blew it off much of that time. Since the new year, though, I've paid far more attention to eating and exercising than I have in awhile. I actually make time to walk for an hour on certain days of the week, and I can see it's paying off. Last week, when it was super grey and snowy, I got myself and Baby L over to a local mall in my town and traipsed the place for an hour. It was good... except when the Apple store beckoned. But at least I lost weight this week.

4. To celebrate my ten pounds gone, I decided to buy myself a skirt. I haven't worn a decent cute skirt since before I got pregnant. (Wearing a few maternity skirts during and post-pregnancy do not count as cute.) While it is still a larger size than I would like to be wearing, and I bought it from a department I wish I didn't have to shop in, I was pleased to find one that looked good, was simple enough to be a basic, and was on sale for a glorious twelve dollars. Down from an original price of $48.

Nice.

5. Tomorrow night, Mister Lyrehca and I are hiring a babysitter for the evening (A first! Night time help!) and going out for an early Valentine's dinner. I'm definitely wearing the skirt.

6. I've heard about a number of new and not-so-new resources for the diabetic women looking for pregnancy info. There's a new group on Tu Diabetes called Oh Baby!, a new site with a pregnancy section called Diabetes Sisters, and although it's old news already, I finally got a chance to read Kelsey's pregnancy diary and it was great. It's nice to see new resources sprouting up in the past year or two, but as my book proposal urges, more are always needed.

7. Personally, I'm not slated to see my Endo for a general diabetes checkup til April, but I am so looking forward to talking to her about going on Symlin. I'd always been told to stay away from it in the past few years when I was either trying to conceive, pregnant or pumping breast milk. Now that I'm just a plain ol' type 1 again, I'm eager to see if the stuff will help me lose weight and keep the postprandial meals spikes to a dull roar.

An Endo Visit and Fitness Concerns

I had a regular endocrinologist appointment yesterday, my first since trying to conceive.

See, Endo also oversees the diabetes and pregnancy program at my local hospital, so for the past two-plus years, I saw her as either a trying-to-conceive patient or one who was actually pregnant.

Yesterday, I was merely a patient with diabetes.

There have been some changes in the clinic where she sees her non-pregnant patients. I was able to find out my A1C within 15 minutes, instead of receiving the info a week later.

Much to my surprise, my A1c was 6.7. I figured it would be deep in the sevens, considering some of the highs I've had. I also test far less than I ever did during pregnancy, maybe four or five times a day instead of ten-plus.

Also, Endo asked me, as I entertained Baby L in his stroller while reporting what my basal rates were, when I was ready to start trying for Number Two.

Not coincidentally, I've actually been asked this by a few other people in the past week or two. Endo told me that since I'm the age I am, with the infertility history I have, six months post-first-baby is when the questions start up again.

The Mister and I are not ready to get back on the infertility/IVF/pregnancy bandwagon. I have no expectations of anything happening naturally. We have frozen embryos in storage and when the time is right, we'll call up the clinic and talk about unfreezing them and seeing what transpires.

We also talked about my post-dinner highs, which are an ongoing battle, and my need for more regular exercise. Now that I'm not commuting for my job, a daily walk to and from public transportation doesn't happen regularly.

I actually like working out at the gym. Unfortunately, I am leery of leaving Baby L with the babysitters there, since they're down a long hallway and the babysitting room is so big, and the Baby himself is still quite little. (Does anyone have advice on this? I know I'm neurotic about many things, but how can I feel comfortable about leaving my kid with people I don't know?)

I tried this boot camp fitness class for new moms, which was great. They had onsite babysitting, so I could keep an eye on my kid while I did push-ups and jogged and huffed and puffed. The flip side is that I have a heel with plantar fasciitis, so it kills me to run, despite ongoing stretches and such. I stopped taking the class.

"Walk 60 minutes a day," the Endo urged. And I can do that. I just don't feel like I'm getting a major weight-loss workout when I walk around the neighborhood pushing my kid in his stroller. I tend to think that, unless I am sweating on an elliptical trainer or pounding it out in a Spin class, my exercise efforts aren't doing much.

I mean, I know the exercise is good for the blood sugars. I have that pretty much under control. It's the excess weight I'm more concerned about.

I joined Weight Watchers earlier in the summer, and have lost a small amount so far. On one hand, I know the whole idea is about portion control, which I understand. On the other hand, I never want to write down everything I eat, and figure out points, since I'm already playing with numbers with carb counting and blood sugars. So I go to meetings and try to keep an eye on what I'm eating (more salads=good), I haven't been tracking points all that religiously.

And while I've lost about 30 pounds from my highest pregnancy point, I'm about 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight, and another 40 away from Yummy Mummy.

At least my A1C is good.

Weirdly, my 508 pump started alarming in the middle of the appointment. My pump is about seven years old, a good three years out of warranty, but I haven't gotten around to updating it because I like it and it continues to work. During the alarm (A37, if anyone cares), Endo was worried she'd have to prescribe Lantus for me and I thought it would be ironic if my old pump died at the Endo's office. A quick call to Medtronic confirmed that the alarm was minor (a discrepancy between my pump's internal and external clocks; why that happened I don't know) and that after a quick reset, the pump was as good as new.

As an update from my last post, two months ago, I did not take the full-time job I was interviewing for earlier this summer. The main reason is because I wasn't hired for it (the search is ongoing), but I also thought it was just too early to return to a full time job if I didn't have to. The company has since sent me freelance work, and I continue to do work for two other magazines, so workwise, I'm still in the game.

Parenthoodwise, Baby L keeps me pretty busy. But that's another post altogether.

Random Thoughts

1. I often wear nursing tank tops. The ones I bought at Target fit me much better than those made by a company called Glamourmoms. I bought the Glamourmoms ones in the hospital and wore them the first week, but Target's are much better. Cheaper, too.

2. My blood sugars are pretty shot to hell these days. When I can remember to test at all, I'm often high.

3. During pregnancy, I used to test about 12-15 times a day. I'm lucky to test 5-6 times a day these days.

4. I haven't been great about doing Weight Watchers. As a result, I haven't lost a lot of weight.

5. Just walking with my kid in the stroller isn't much of a workout for me. But I don't like the babysitting setup at my current gym. The room where Baby L would be watched in is down the hall and I can't keep an eye on him. Plus, he's so little and the room is filled with bigger-kid toys.

6. I checked out another gym nearby yesterday that has a Cardio Mom session. This means you can bring your baby into the workout room and keep him in his car seat parked next to your cardio machine while you work out.

7. This is ideal, except the time of day they do this (12-2pm) usually coincides with other things I'm already doing during the day (new mom chats, Mommy and me classes, baby-friendly movies, and such). Why don't they have these sessions in the mornings?

8. This gym is also a farther (20 minute, versus 10 minute) drive from home.

9. But I clearly need to do something more vigorous to get back into the exercise game. An hour on the elliptical or bike would do it. Several times a week.

10. I still make big to-do lists like I did pre-baby. It takes me weeks, rather than days, to complete them.

11. I actually finished a big portion of my book proposal on my type 1 pregnancy book. Now all I have to do is write up a sample Table of Contents.

12. Here's where you come in (that is, if anyone still reads this blog...). If you're type 1, what exactly would you want to know about the pregnancy experience? I have a ton of thoughts and need to organize them in a table-of-contents way. Would love to hear what others think.

13. Baby L has been sleeping alone in his crib for the past two weeks. He's doing pretty well, sleeping about 4-5 hours at a time.

14. Was too tired to pump last night at 1:30 (Baby L's last feeding), so am doing it now, typing with my left hand, and entertaining Baby L with shaking a stuffed animal that makes a rattle noise with my right hand while Baby sits in a bouncy seat on the floor. Motherhood is all about multitasking.

15. I have freelance work projects due next week and my mother has come over this week to watch the baby so I can work uninterrupted. Except the first day she came, I really just wanted to take a long nap, something I usually don't do.

16. Yesterday, however, I was alone with the baby, and he fell asleep on my chest for a delicious three-hour midaftternoon nap for both of us. No work got done, though.

17. My old boss emailed last week, telling me my replacement and another colleague worked til 1am recently during the latest deadline week at my old job.

18. I am glad it wasn't me. The magazine's biggest issue of the year comes out in August, and next week there's a huge party going on for it. Mr. L and I got invited to the party, and I'd be fine skipping it, but Mr. L wants to go and bring the baby. We'll see how this goes over.

19. Last week, Mr. L. and I went to a jewelry store (he's been promising to buy me swanky earrings in honor of Baby L's arrival) to check out possibilities. While there, I saw a woman with a Minimed pump at the same jewelry counter. We chatted (she was there scouting out swanky options to celebrate her upcoming 50th birthday). She had a later version pump than I do (who doesn't? Mine's three years out of warranty already), and we exchanged emails. I had a weird moment when I realized the business cards in my purse are out of date, but managed to write my email address on the back of one of her cards.

20. I haven't emailed her yet, but suppose I should.

21. I should also make up new business cards for myself, explaining I'm an independent editorial consultant, rather than a staffer at my last job.

22. There's one more thing for the to-do list.

Week 32: 32 Things

1. I never seem to have time to post anymore. Today's 32 weeks of being pregnant. Hard to believe.

2. Went to New York City last weekend for a last hurrah as a woman with baby in utero, because who knows when I'll get back there again?

3. Stayed with my single girl pal and saw a bunch of friends; interestingly, most of them are still single or are dating and are in far different places in their lives than I am.

4. Met with one friend who is type 1, married, expecting, and due just a few days after me. She's not a close friend, but I wanted to chat and find out how the pregnancy has been going.

5. Interestingly, we obsess over different things: I haven't drunk diet Coke or eaten bacon for months, while she has both but gets up every hour, she says, to test her blood sugar in the middle of the night.

6. We were both the same blood sugar when we met for an early brunch on Sunday (she was 108, I was 110). She worried that her high-protein meal the night before was still affecting her sugar, while I pointed out that I'd drunk two glasses of skim milk an hour before I met her, and felt like my reading was nothing to worry about. (Pre-meals, the pregnancy magic numbers are supposed to be 60-99 before a meal).

7. I also had lunch with Violet of Pumplandia; it was great to meet a blogger IRL (in real life), plus, she schlepped across the city to meet me closer to the neighborhood I was staying in.

8. I walked so much more than I ever do at home, and my bloods reflected that.

9. Cankles require me to wear only one of two pairs of shoes (either sneakers or these patent leather black loafers I've owned for years), so when I walked a lot, I noticed my back and feet got more tired than they ever have pre-pregnancy.

10. While I will always love NYC, staying in my friend's tiny apartment and walking around everywhere made me appreciate the (relatively) spacious house I live in, the car I drive and park in the driveway (as opposed to the time I spent searching for a space on the streets of Manhattan, or the money I spent on parking in garages).

11. Also met with an editor friend who gives me a lot of freelance work. As a mom of three herself (and we're the same age), she told me not to take on any freelance work for at least the first 12 weeks, but promised me she'd always have work to give me when I wanted it. Very reassuring.

12. Unrelated to the NYC trip, I've spoken to two groups of journalism students at two nearby colleges (in Boston) within the last week. The teacher for the first group, a class on magazine writing, told me I really connected with the students, how engaged they were during the presentation, and that perhaps teaching was in my future. Interesting. I always like doing talks about careers in journalism, and wonder if I'll get to do them any more once I am a mom.

13. Back at work, I'm heading into the last stretch of deadlines for the last magazine issue before I go on pregnancy leave. When I allow myself to think about this , I wonder if I should feel more sad about leaving my job for at least 12 weeks, and likely permanently. (The hours, commute, and lack of high pay tilt the scale toward a permanent leave). On one hand, I completely see I'm about to enter a new chapter in my life. On the other hand, there are times when I really think I'm ready to leave this office behind without regrets. Back on the first hand, though, I worry about whether I'll ever find a magazine staff job ever again, as it was what I dreamed about doing when I was in college. On the other hand, knowing that I don't live in the city where the magazines I really like are actually based, is it time to give up the idea of being a magazine editor in favor of full time freelancing and new motherhood? And will I ever make enough money to feel really secure about what I do as a freelancer with a child?

14. On this tangent, when will I ever have time to finish my own book projects, since no one is paying me to write them until after they're written and sold to a publisher by an agent?

15. Clearly, I think more about my career than I do about being a new mother.

16. People asked me if the Mister and I are excited to be new parents. I think we're taking things day by day and while I think about how the months ahead will be filled with new experiences and challenges, and that when I'm up at 4 in the morning, it will likely be with the baby as my companion rather than the laptop, I'm not necessarily excited. Intrigued by what's to come, yes, but aware that I have no idea what it will be like.

17. To that extent, my mother has told me more than once that I have no idea how tired I'm going to be and that the Mister and I have no idea what's about to hit us.

18. I responded that we have a sense that it will be hard, and that there's a reason we didn't have children when we were in our 20s, (one of which is that we didn't know each other then, but I digress...) but that we're about to move forward and to stop thinking like it'll be all negative.

19. I'm now going to the hospital weekly for one visit or another. I have weekly ultrasounds at the ATU (antepartum testing unit) and Endo or High Risk OB visits every two weeks. By March's end, they become weekly.

20. Blood sugars are what they are. Not super tight every minute of the day, but not crazy, either.

21. I get another fetal measurement this Friday, but the measurement three weeks ago showed the kid was within normal ranges and not gaining extra weight because of anything diabetic-related.

22. Someone asked in my comments last post if my insulin requirements had increased. Oh yes. I now take about three times as much insulin a day as I did pre-pregnancy. My skinny sister in law asked if I could stop this by eating less, and I pointed out that her non-diabetic body did the same thing as mine, but since she didn't inject or pump insulin, she had no idea what her insulin needs are. It's quite normal to have insulin needs increase in the latter half of pregnancy.

23. As a result, I've taken to refilling just the reservoir of insulin in my pump, rather than change the infusion set, every time the pump runs low on insulin. I used to change both the set and fill the pump at the same time.

24. Just signed up for a new baby-new mom group that starts in May. A mom friend of mine urged me to sign up, as getting out of the house the first few weeks are crucial. It felt weird to sign up for it yesterday, but I wanted to get in before the class filled up. It starts May 9, when the kid should be five weeks old.

25. Our baby furniture, which we ordered weeks ago and were told would take 12 weeks to arrive, came in after four weeks. I told the store that we're superstitious Jews, and that as soon as the baby arrives and is healthy, my husband will come in, pay off the balance, and have the furniture delivered. In the meantime, just keep it in storage.

26. I've commented about this elsewhere, but typically, us Jews don't do anything to openly prepare for having a baby. It's seen as tempting fate. That means no baby showers, no preparing a nursery, no buying baby clothes on sale, until the kid is actually here and healthy. I've only been to one baby shower that I can remember, and quite tragically, that baby turned out to be stillborn.

27. As a result, while we've been told to register and have actually done so, I've been pretty quiet about the details. And while other relatives have passed on a few baby items, they're either stashed in my car trunk or in the basement of our house.

28. We're hiring a painter this week to paint the baby's room, but I just want to close the door and not do anything else until after the baby arrives.

29. I haven't ordered crib bedding yet. Or curtains. Or any of that stuff. I finally called yesterday and learned that the day care we're going to go with has two openings for the time we want, and that we need to enroll this week if we want a spot. I've also been slow in lining up a baby nurse, which everyone tells me is crucial to do.

30. I apologize it's taken me so long to get to this point (and I already emailed her my thanks), but Serenity sent me a very cute gift yesterday as the winner of her "Name my IVF cycle title" on her blog. (I suggested "Now with More Uterus," which is very appropriate for her particular medical issue.) She ordered a onesie and cap from this store, a place I've always liked (and I again wonder if I'm tempting fate by even writing about it here. The Jewish guilt/schtick runs deep.)

31. I've suffered from an annoying cold over the past week and a half, ranging from copious sneezing and nasal goop to raspy coughing, to my current dry sore throat and larynigitis half the time. I'm often bored when people write how sick they are with a cold, but I'm totally done with being sick. Really just want this thing to move on already.

32. Hopefully I'll find time to post before another two weeks fly by.

Tag Results: Pickles, Life Coaches, Mah Jong, Swimming, 1984

Thanks, Sarah, for tagging me.

Five things about me you (perhaps) don’t already know:

1. I loved them before I was pregnant, but damn, I crave half-sour pickles like nobody’s business. I buy them six- or eight-at-a-time at a local grocery store that’s a bit pricier than the nearby Stop-and-Shop, but no one else seems to carry these beauties. I’m talking about the fat green pickles sold at the deli counter, not the jarred pickles sold in the refrigerated section.

2. I’ve talked to two life coaches in the past year to try to figure out why I’m not moving forward on different writing projects. Both told me they thought I was motivated and had done a lot of groundwork on both of them, but that I just needed to make finishing them a priority. Sort of like scheduling a date night with your husband so that you can actually have fun, pleasurable sex, I need to set deadlines so I can move these projects ahead. On one hand, I think the concept of having a life coach is sort of cool, just like an athletic coach inspires athletes to do their best. On the other hand, I wonder why I can’t just get motivated enough to finish these damn things on my own. Insight, anyone?

3. I play Mah Jong, an Asian game played with these cool ivory tiles, in a weekly game with a bunch of friends. At first, I wondered if I was turning into my mother, who always played Mah Jong, or like others who have a weekly Bridge or Poker or Canasta game. But since I’ve learned the ropes, I’m hooked. It’s actually fun even though we never play for money. I’m told it’s a lot like playing Gin with cards, though I’ve never played Gin.

4. I swam on my high school (and earlier, my town) swim teams for a few years. This was in the mid-1980s, pre-pump, and I rarely tested my blood sugars. I don't really remember having insulin reactions, but remember eating big snacks before I went to afternoon practices. It’s odd, that I don’t remember having major insulin reactions, but again, this was in the days of long-action (NPH and regular) insulin and my average blood sugars were probably pretty high those days. At the same time, I wasn’t particularly fast or much of a finessed swimmer, so I wonder if my performance was because I wasn’t built to swim for speed, or if my blood sugar control just wasn’t that tight. Probably a combination of both.

5. I won a town-wide eighth-grade speech contest back in 1984. I competed in the “original oratory” category, and wrote an original speech about how the (then) present-day 1984 was similar to the book 1984. I won a plaque and a blue ribbon and performed the speech in front of a big audience (about 40 other eighth graders competed that day). I never did anything quite like that again (no high school debate team for me), but today, I don’t have any trouble speaking before a crowd.

A lot of the d-bloggers I read have already been tagged, so I'll stretch out to some of the Cyclesistas I now read. Tags mean you write a post about five things about yourself. Tags out to:

Violet at Pumplandia
Serenity at Serenity Now!
Gary at My Diabetes CGMS
Heather at Big P and Me
Watson at My Dear Watson

The Day Before

My embryo transfer is scheduled for tomorrow morning.

I'm home in a rare afternoon of quiet since the Mister is at his sister's house doing some kind of home improvement (he's very handy).

I went to the gym for the first time in eons this morning, in part because I'd thought I should avoid major exercise during this whole IVF process. A nurse told me the other day I was good to exercise "until the transfer."

So I had a nice 45-minute elliptical workout this morning. Blood sugars stayed stable throughout. It was beautiful.

Tomorrow at 9:15 am, I'm going in for a pre-IVF acupuncture session at the infertility clinic. According to someone's research somewhere, before- and after-egg transfer acupuncture appointments are supposed to increase the chances of an embryo actually implanting. (Instead of the "we're not sure, but it's supposed to relax you" acupuncture I was doing a few months ago a few times a week. Several negative IUIs and hundreds of dollars later, I stopped doing weekly acupuncture.)

But tomorrow hopefully will be different.

The egg transfer is supposed to be easy. Mr. Lyrehca can stay in the room while it happens. Then it'll be another calming acupuncture session and home we go.

I'm supposed to lie flat for the rest of the day after the transfer. I'm glad it's all happening on a Sunday.

And then begins another two week wait. Except with an embryo transfer, I'm told it's only a nine-day wait. So if things move forward tomorrow, I'd have a pregnancy test scheduled for August 15.

The nurses, who I've been stalking for the past few days, tell me that our six embryos continue to look good and thrive. We'll get a full report tomorrow at the official transfer from an embryologist who will be able to tell us which embryo has the highest quality.

Due to my unusual medical history (retinopathy, no-kidney-problems-now-but-why-tempt-fate?, "old" age, a removed-weird-tumor-that-has-a-tiny-chance-of-returning), Mr. Lyrehca and I agreed to transfer only one embryo this time. (Many people my age would likely transfer two or three embryos to up their chances of a successful implantation. This, however, increases the chances of multiples. Which are hard on any woman's body. On me, twins would be possible but not ideal. Triplets are out of the question). We agreed (and got an OK from my high risk ob/gyn who I've already met even though I've never been pregnant) to implant two embryos if we have to do IVF a second time, just to increase the chances of success.

So pretty much everything looks good for tomorrow. Just gotta wait it out and see what happens.

The Weighty Problem

Does anyone else out there feel like weight loss is really a secondary concern when maintaining tight blood sugars?

Turns out that while my A1Cs rock, I've also put on seven pounds since September, when I first started correcting my sugars to keep them as close to 70-160 as possible. This is definitely because of the small hits of insulin I'm taking all day long, particularly after meals.

My endo said she wasn't sure why, if I'm not eating more than usual, why I shouldn't be able to maintain or even lose weight and still take the right amount of insulin. Personally, I just don't feel like I have the energy to try to lose weight. I'm spending all my time checking blood sugars and if I'm low (which happens), treating them with my new favorite phrase, "unfortunate eating incidents," (a twist from Art-Sweet's post), because honestly, most of the time when I'm low, I just feel low and I don't particularly want to eat something that'll just become extra calories I don't want. (Is there a way somehow to treat a reaction and not ingest calories? Seems like a zero-sum game.)

I've usually used Life Savers to treat reactions, since they're very portable and available everywhere. But it irks me when I have to eat a whole pack because my sugar doesn't come up with just three or four of them. (There are about 11 in a regular-sized pack).

I also have inbred the years of being diagnosed as a child in the late 1970s, when exchange diets were strict and there was no such thing as really fast-acting insulin or pumps. I ate what my mother said I could, and really no more under her watch. It's therefore no surprise that whenever I went to a friend's birthday party where candy was plentiful, I'd eat whatever I could. Years later, when I lived alone, I definitely played fast and loose with food (a box of chocolate chip cookies for dinner, eating several bagels with cream cheese all day as my Sunday meals, etc.) Often, it was because I'd been told for years, "you can't eat that," that I rebelled and did just that. (And even though by then I was able to test my blood sugars and take extra insulin through my pump, that still didn't mean I wasn't carrying extra weight, or dealing with the initial high of a blood sugar immediately after eating all that white simple carb, even if the sugar went down a few hours later).

The irony is that today I'm eating as healthily as I can (I now worry that eating non-organic fruit might be damaging me somehow, and actually love most vegetables and try to eat them as often as I can), but figure that eating a roll at dinner (or in my case last night, two pieces of cornbread along with my grilled bluefish), *still* causes me to go high immediately after a meal, even though in two or four hours I'll be where I want to be.

I wish I could try Symilin, but my doc won't prescribe it because it hasn't been tested in women trying to get, or those who already are, pregnant.

I also feel like, on one hand, if I'd stuck with Weight Watchers back in December, I'd be thirty pounds lighter today and wouldn't have to buy larger shorts. But on the other hand, I could be pregnant right now, which means a plan like Weight Watchers is forbidden, so I'm only going to gain weight for the next possible nine months anyway, so don't worry about the size of the fabric stretching across my ass. (Then again, this bigger size is so comfortable that I almost don't care how big it is.... until I see clothes from two summers ago in my closet that I wish I could wear comfortably.)

And the flip side is that I try to exercise every day, and walk a good 30 minutes during the workday just to get to my office from the train station. But I then have a solid commute each way that takes up good time where I'd rather be at the gym. And on days I get home late, I'm often too tired for the gym. And now I'm reading that some docs think vigorous exercise might hinder getting pregnant (although truly, being underweight is NOT my problem and I wonder if the docs who suggest cutting down exercise when trying to conceive are talking to the super skinny types who are prone to amenorrhea), I wonder if going to my gym isn't a good thing until I know whether I'm pregnant or not.

And so that leaves walking, which I try to do. But is walking, as I did on Friday, a good 45 minutes to a store somewhat near my office to buy a Father's Day gift for my dad, really a workout? I wore comfy sandals and walked comfortably, but I wasn't sweating and huffing and puffing. I'd like to think I wasn't just strolling, either. Did that really do anything for me? I even took less insulin at lunch, which I ate just before my walk, but when I got back to the office, I was still 190, so I took more insulin and several hours later had to eat a pack of Life Savers because I was low before dinner.

What also irks me is having a reaction, say, an hour before dinner, but knowing that I was planning to eat a lot at dinner anyway. So again, the calories ingested just an hour before my big meal are just excess. And fuck if I'm going to eat less at that meal simply because I had to treat a reaction an hour before. Is it this sort of defiance that just keeps me gaining weight? I mean, it's not like I *wanted* to treat a reaction at the time I had to.

Some days I figure I'm just destined to be the size I am with the diabetes I have. And other days I think that I've gained two pounds a year for the past ten years and I'd like to reverse the trend. I read about people training for marathons or being athletes and I think, "that sounds like something I'd like to do." But then I think, "well, I'm trying to get pregnant and I can't start a big exercise push at this time."

Where does this leave me? Anyone got any insight? If I got a pump with an insulin on board feature, would it help me keep the weight down (I'm still using a Minimed 508, though it's out of warranty, because I like it and love the clip it has. Is this just being silly? I figure if it breaks I'll order a new pump and just use Lantus for the days I wait for the new pump to arrive.)?

Musings

So my blood sugars have been great for the past week (since the IUI). This makes me wonder if I'm not pregnant.

I picked up a heavy box of juice boxes at a store this weekend and felt a twinge in my lower belly. This makes me wonder if I am pregnant and maybe did something I shouldn't.

I went to acupuncture five days after the IUI and the acupuncturist told me he didn't think I was pregnant. Is it too early to tell? (When I pressed him on it, he kind of flip-flopped and said "yes, I can tell," and then said, "no, it's too early." Great.)

I did more exercise yesterday than usual (walked five miles to and from my gym, did a bit of weight training, then spent the afternoon raking out my front lawn and bagging up the yard waste. Was this too much exercise for someone who might be a week pregnant?

Tagged!

I've been tagged by Kassie over at Noncompliant (such a terrific title for a D-Blog, by the way.) Since I'm new to this whole blogging scene, as you may be too, I understand that people within the diabetes blogging community randomly tag one another to spout out five random facts.

On that note, here's my five, plus one.

1. I am a magazine whore. I read because my life depends on it. My favorite thing about where I live is the proximity to my local library. Free books and periodicals...mmmm. Sweeter than candy.

2. I'm in the middle of writing a novel with a diabetic protagonist. Sort of a diabetichick lit. Bridget Jones with a pump. You'd buy this if you saw it on Amazon or at your local bookstore, wouldn't you? Would you buy a ticket to see it adapted to film?

3. I love to eat. Cambodian, Vietnamese, Thai, Greek, deli. Pickles. Peanut butter. Cheese. Cucumbers. Fish sauce. Noodles. Mussels and frites (well done). Ginger. Garlic. Dark chocolate. So much to eat. So little time.

4. I'd work out at the gym every day if I won the lottery and didn't have to instead schlep to my office regularly. While you wouldn't guess it from looking at me, I love Spinning, pushing weights around (though what's the link between retinopathy and weight training? Anyone?), biking, walking, and the elliptical trainer.

5. I'm a New Englander by birth and now by marriage, but I lived in New York while going to grad school and then for another seven years and I loved it. Walking the streets of Manhattan was great for keeping blood sugars under control. There's always something happening and you never know what you might find when you stroll down an avenue or turn a corner. The place is expensive and everything about living there is a hassle, but the energy and possiblity of the place thrilled me.

6. (By popular demand) Mr. Lyrehca just yelled from the other room that he's handy and want me to shout it from the desktop. The man knows his way around a toolbox and our house (and I) thank him for it.

Hmmmm.... I'm not sure who to tag next, since I haven't been reading everyone's blogs all that long. Anyone want to volunteer?