Saturday, February 18, 2006

Timing

So much of life is about the right timing.

I had a reasonably good week. The Mister and I had a phone conference with the reproductive endo, who said it was OK for us to continue trying to conceive on our own for a month or two before starting to take Clomid.

My CT scans showed I haven't had any recurrences of my weird abdominal tumor, and that my insides are in good shape.

I'm starting to meet with an acupuncturist next week who sees a lot of infertility patients. I figure if something can help me along, why not try it and see what happens?

I started talking again to a therapist who I've seen previously, through phone sessions. This is a woman who used to run group support sessions for diabetics and I was a part of this group for a few years before I left New York. I always loved the idea of therapy--you're paying someone to listen to you talk about yourself for an hour so you can figure out how to deal with your issues. I brought her up to date on where my health is at and where the diabetes is at, and how I finally seem to be ready to have a baby and my body doesn't seem to be cooperating.

And yet....

A week ago I saw a posting for a job I was totally qualified for, at a company where I've always dreamed of working. Like, for years. I've wanted to work for this place and specifically, one of their well-known publications.

Problem is, the company is back in NY, and I'm pretty firmly planted in Mass. along with the husband and the house and the family roots.

When I applied, I'd just come off a horrifying week of long hours and bad management at my current job, and I was feeling pretty cranky about it. So I sent off my resume and a quick cover note.

Wouldn't you know, several days later, I got a call from the human resources department asking about an interview.

But because I knew I couldn't just hop around the country for a new job, I played hardball and said I needed to know the salary range for the job before I considered traveling out of state for the interview. The assistant asked me three times what my salary was, what I would be willing to relocate for, and what my preferred salary range would be, and three times I told her that my current salary was irrelevant, that I didn't want to lowball myself by naming a figure, and that someone in the company knew what the budget for the job was, and that I wanted to know it before I scheduled an interview.

A few friends I told about this were proud of me. But I just figured it's easy to be firm when I know the situation is a long shot.

Sure enough, the senior human resources person called me late on Friday, several days after that first call, after I'd already thought my ballsiness may have cost me the interview. And sure enough, the salary is terrific. Much more than what I make now. At a company a lot more prestigious than where I work now.

But the timing is off. If I were single and still living in New York, I wouldn't think twice about going and giving a kick-ass interview. But now I'm married. Several years older. Living out of state with the husband and the house and the roots. And how can we actively try to have a baby when I'd be in another state, working at my dream company?

I told the HR woman I needed to think about it, after she assured me this is a full time job that could not be done through telecommuting.

The Mister and I have talked, and he's opposed to moving, opposed to uprooting, and while he doesn't want me to feel he's holding me back, he wonders why I should interview for the job at all. I'm thinking I could go and perhaps wow them so much in the interview that they'd be willing to consider my working in the office part of the time and at home the other part.

But then how would we have time to try to have a kid in the next year? And frankly, would it make sense to postpone the kid thing if I'm already close to 36 and already talking to an infertility doc?

I've always been focused on my career, always loved working, and always valued making money. But my body is at a stage where I feel I can't be cavalier about waiting to have a kid, and that if I put it off, I might not be able to have my own. And while I can consider adoption in the abstract, it's not something I want to feel is my only option.

So do I go on the interview and see what happens, or just forget about it?

6 comments:

Melissa said...

No that I know anything about your life...but uprooting can be a very healthy thing. I move about 9 times growing up and my sister and I are all the better for it . I live in NYC now and am 25 so that may color my opinion, but is the resentment over not interviewing at all going to build up and hurt your relationship? In 3 years will a secret part of yourself hate him for holding you back? I say go. If it isn't ment to be it will be obvious. Like a bum will piss on you when you ride the subay or something, but at least you wil know you tried and that would put my mind at ease.

You have grown up, but that doesn't mean you have to start settling at 36. Could you give me the name of the therapist? I have been trying to find one who already knows about the D, becasue the last thing I want to do is explain this disease to one more person.

Ellen said...

Whatever you decide, I wish you luck and the greatest joy with your decision.

Penny said...

This is deffinatly a personal decision for you. As a mother of two, I can tell you if you give up this job to have a child, it won't be the last time you give up something you want for your child. You will do it many, many times after you have one. But, it is so worth it in the end. Really.

Lyrehca said...

Hi,

Wow, how do you know when I update my blog? Three posts in three hours! Nice.

Melissa, I'd be happy to tell you the therapist I use, but you don't have email activated on your site. Email me and I'll send you her name and phone number. Her office is on the upper west side.

Thanks for all your thoughts about my current thoughts.

--Lyrehca

Kassie said...

I use http://www.bloglines.com/ to help me keep track of who's updated their blogs recently.

As for the job, if it comes down to a coin flip, I'm happy to call it in the air for ya :)

Seriously, such choices are so very difficult, but both paths have such great potential, you almost can't lose. If it were me, I'd shy away from the job change, even if they offered pt home/pt NYC. That's a super tough commute, and I'm one who can't stand being away from the kids for any length of time (didn't really do it for more than a night until my youngest was 3).

Good luck figuring it out. And keep us posted ;)

Michko said...

As a fellow journalist, I say go to the interview even if you know in your heart that you won't take the job. Give a kick ass interview and let them offer you the job so that you know you're capable of getting a job at your dream company. Even if you aren't offered the job, I think you'll always wonder if you don't at least go to the interview. It's just an interview, no commitments. Yes, it will probably make you want to go more, but will help you evaluate your priorities. Go! Go! Go! :-)

 

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