Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Facing That Coaster Again?

My son is 14 months old. He sleeps (usually) through the night. He grasps a sippy cup with ease. He eats the same breakfast I do: a flaxseed waffle and a veggie sausage. The only difference is our beverage of milk. Mine is skim and his is whole.

This week, I was asked, not for the first time, if and when I would start trying for another child. My endocrinologist asked me back when Baby L was about six months old. My mother ran into my ob-gyn nurse at the manicurist around the same time. The nurse seemed surprised she hadn't seen me back in her office, either getting my blood sugars approved before jumping back on the trying to conceive merry-go-round or being congratulated for already hopping on and clinging to one of the painted horses.

I know of at least one or two people who are pregnant again after they had their first children around the same time as me. And a woman I met in a Mommy & Me class last year, whose son was born the same week as mine, openly admitted to wanting to get pregnant as soon as possible, as she wants two children and was close to 40. She did IVF with her first child, and, not wanting to waste time, did her first round of her second IVF when her son was eight months old and is expecting her second child in September. If all goes well, she will be 40 and will have two children under age two by the year's end.

As much as my age dictates it, I am just not ready right now to try to get pregnant again this season. There's that triathlon I'm training for. The money in our bank account that we'd rather have go toward savings instead of doctor visit copays and the possibility of paying for infertility treatment again. The idea that while I am eating healthy for the tri training, I can guzzle diet Coke and not worry about the effects of the chemicals on my unborn child. The blood sugar testing only six times, rather than 16 times, a day.

Plus, it's frankly a joy to sit and watch my toddler son feed himself. Or cruise along the furniture and try to walk. Or look up, with a toothly smile, and say things that sound like "Banana!" and "Yeah!" and "'Night!" To return to the days of nursing and round-the-clock pumping and little sleep and explosive diapers seems.... like a lot of mental and physical effort right now.

To start trying for another would mean diverting a lot of that time and effort to someone else. And right now, I just want to soak my Boy in with undivided attention. And if it means that waiting another six months might mean a potentially sharp decline in my already shaky fertility, it's a chance I'm willing to take.

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